Often, we look back at our past and wistfully think, “if only.”
If only I had had better parents.
If only I had had more opportunities.
If only I had made a different decision.
There have been times I’ve imagined myself talking to a younger me. Travel back in time, giving that child art lessons, opportunities, direction, or someone to talk to. If only.
Rather than listen to my past history, I needed to meditate with the Living Word. Once I took the time to do just that, the Lord pointed out that my musings were basically saying that He has not been enough in my life and has not been active in my past. The “if only” game is not as harmless as it seems. It’s an affront to a loving God who has been designing a life for me to learn grow, overcome, and become.
I am not going to achieve anything with the “if only” mindset. Frankly, I’m not going to achieve anything because of my talents or giftings, either. Anything I accomplish in life will because of the price Jesus paid. He has a plan and it’s time I work with Him instead of looking backwards.
No more “if only.”
Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward. Kurt Vonnegut
It’s been an interesting week. Mom was scheduled to have the battery in her pacemaker changed. It’s an in and out procedure. Still, with a 94 (soon to be 95) year old woman with other complications, you can’t be too careful.
Since Mike is the one with legal power of attorney over any medical issues and is really the primary caregiver, he took the day off work to take his mom and dad to the hospital. She had to arrive by 11:30 a.m. which takes a lot of planning and help. Comfort Keepers need to have her up, dressed and ready, the medical transport has to be planned in advance and Dad needs to be kept on track.
The surgery was scheduled for 1:00. She was prepped and ready to go. Unfortunately, a power outage occurred so she was sent home and rescheduled for the next day. Now if this happened to me, I could easily get dressed and be on my way. It would be only a minor inconvenience. Not so much with an elderly stroke victim and her husband with dementia. Getting dressed takes a lot of effort and assistance. Getting home takes a call to Ambucab. Meals have been missed and the parents need to be fed. Then, all this has to be rescheduled for the following day and Mike needs to take another day off work.
No one is at fault. These things happen. You certainly want everything functioning well for even a minor surgery. But it is disheartening.
The good news is Mom did get the procedure and she is doing well. Instead of just changing the battery, they gave her a brand new unit. At the end of the day we are very grateful for medical care, for insurance to cover it and for having Mom a little while longer.
Donna Kemper put aside her art career to care for a mother she hadn't seen in over a decade. For seven years she followed her mother's journey into dementia, caring for her and putting forgiveness into action.