The Pastoral Artist
  • Home
  • Book
  • Blog
  • Contact

BLOG

Fragile

10/22/2015

 
“For whatever you think of me, any thought you might allow
I’m not who I would like to be, it’s just who I am right now” – ‘Fragile’ by Ralston Bowles
 
There I sat, alone by design, at another funeral.  It’s the fourth or fifth one since April and I was looking toward another one in a week or so for my brother-in-law.  I sat alone because there were so many long-time friends and acquaintances at this service and I couldn’t face them.  This was a service for Gary’s family and I didn’t want to draw attention to my own griefs.  One more condolence and I knew I’d lose it so there I sat, in the middle of a row, with four seats on either side of me trusting that no one would recognize the back of my head. 
 
There were some solid musicians playing at Gary’s service, the minister who officiated at my wedding. They were there to pay tribute.  I’ve heard Ralston Bowles play many times over the years and he’s a flippin’ musical genius.  But today, his voice was singularly beautiful as he sang one of Gary’s favorite songs by Andraé Crouch.  For a moment I forgot myself as I listened to him.  I forgot where I was or why I was there.  Ralston had transported me for a brief moment and I am truly thankful.
 
I really thought I could do this.  I thought I could come and share the grief of another family and offer comfort.  But once the service was over and I spoke to a couple friends I realized I could not stay.  I was saved by a text.  A friend had gotten lost on the way to the service wondered if I could meet her for lunch.  Yes, oh yes!  I had to get out of there. 
 
And so I said some goodbyes, signed the guest book and fled. 
 
Now I’m home, changed and in solitude.  I’ve received an email from my sister-in-law who has taken me up on my offer to come stay with her.  In fact, she’s asked if I’d come down before the funeral to help.  I’m more than glad to be of some help and comfort and will be leaving soon.  I can do one on one.  It’s crowds of people I can’t deal with right now because I’m feeling quite fragile.
 
If you are interested in learning more about Ralston Bowles and his music, go to https://www.earthworkmusic.com/artists-ind?i=1039
 
You can hear his music here:  https://www.reverbnation.com/ralstonbowles

Shattered

10/15/2015

1 Comment

 
Picture
When our good friend died recently, my heart was broken into thousands of pieces.  Not only did we lose Don, but it refreshed the grief of losing his wife three years earlier.  One of my longest friendships and most dear, I thought my heart couldn’t break any more. 

I was wrong.


Monday, after work, Mike sat down and said, “Chaz* has died.” I stared at him and thought he had lost his mind.  Our brother-in-law is a healthy, intelligent, vibrant, and engaging man.  He and Mike’s sister were due for a visit soon.  This simply did not make sense.  My mind was struggling with what he was saying and I kept saying, “No” over and over.  Mike had to be wrong but the sadness in his eyes finally convinced me and I broke into wracking sobs.

Among his many accomplishments, Chaz had been a pilot for decades.  He flew in the Navy and continued to fly privately when he got out of the military.  As an engineer, he worked in aeronautics and when he retired he spent time with other retirees refurbishing aircraft.  He had built his own planes over the years.  His cars were not parked in the garage, since parts of planes inhabited that space.  A couple of years ago he purchased a glider and was enjoying it immensely.
 

Sunday, he took the glider for another flight.  It was a lovely day for it and he was happy to be in the air again.  When he wasn’t back by late afternoon a member of the glider club contacted the local sheriff’s office to see if there had been any reports of a downed plane.  The search began.  Through pinging his cell phone, he and the plane were found.  Chaz was pronounced dead at the scene.

My heart, which has been ravaged by loss over the past few years, is broken even more.  Our family is overwhelmed with grief and it seems to be never ending.  Prayers are always appreciated.

Most likely, this blog will be on hiatus.  I trust you’ll understand that.

Peace.
 
*His name has been changed to protect his wife’s and family’s privacy. 

1 Comment

Another Goodbye

10/8/2015

1 Comment

 
Picture
The morning was shrouded in fog which gave it a quiet beauty.  As we pulled into the cemetery, a group of mourners emerged from the mist to our left.  I pointed to Mike and said, “Over there” and we made our way to the small group.  Today was the day we’d join Don with Jan.  The weather was fitting. 

Mike and I joined their children and one grandchild to lay him to rest.  As we waited, we reminisced.  Stories of Don and stories of Jan.  Laughter, tears and waiting.  And waiting. And even more waiting. Where the heck was Don?  Wasn’t the internment at 9?  One daughter said she thought she remembered 9:30 and that number sort of tugged at my memory, too.  But the sexton was there waiting as well, and the family hadn’t contacted him. The funeral director must have arranged for him to be here this morning.

After about twenty minutes, another daughter went over to speak with the sexton to see if he had any info.  He called the funeral director who was still in another (very close) town and would be there shortly.  There had been a mix-up on the calendar, but the delay gave us more time to remember, talk, weep and hug.  Earlier, I had mentioned to Mike that I was out of tears.  I was wrong and they fell freely.  Again.

Turns out, Don was late for his own funeral.  An irony since he was a very prompt and considerate man.  But it is also funny and he’d appreciate the pun.  The late Don Upp.

Rest in peace, Don.  You are deeply missed.


1 Comment

    Archives

    July 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    September 2020
    July 2020
    April 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013

    Donna Kemper

    Donna Kemper put aside her art career to care for a mother she hadn't seen in over a decade.  For seven years she followed her mother's journey into dementia, caring for her and putting forgiveness into action.

    Categories

    All
    Abandonment
    Adult Care Facilities
    Advocacy
    Alzheimers
    Alzheimers Research
    Art
    August
    Automobiles
    Ballet
    Beauty
    Birds
    Birthdays
    Book
    Books
    Burnout
    Camping
    Cancer
    Care Giving
    Cat
    Colonoscopy
    Community
    Compassion Fatigue
    Computer Issues
    Creativity
    Daughters
    Death
    Dementia
    Difficult Parent
    Discovery
    Documentary
    Dreaming
    Elder Care
    Experimentation
    Faith
    Family
    Father
    Father In Law
    Father-in-law
    Fatherless Daughters
    Fear
    Forgiveness
    Friendship
    Frustration
    Gardening
    Genealogy
    God
    Gold Leafing
    Good Man
    Gourd Art
    Grandmothers
    Gratitude
    Grief
    Growth
    Health
    Hero
    Hope
    Human Trafficking
    Humor
    Husband
    Justice
    Kayaking
    Kindness
    Life Adjustments
    Listening
    Loneliness
    Loss
    Lost And Found
    Love
    Love In Action
    Mother In Law
    Mother-in-law
    Mothers
    Moving Forward
    Music
    Neglect
    Offering Help
    Paintings
    Patience
    Poetry
    Prayer
    Process
    Psalms
    Questioning
    Recovery
    Relevancy
    Restoration
    Rocks
    Rumi
    Sacrifice
    Sadness
    Shakespeare
    Slavery
    Snow
    Social Media
    Sonnet
    Spiritual Formation
    Storytelling
    Studio
    Suffering
    Transformation
    Transition
    Vineyards
    Water
    Worship
    Writing

    RSS Feed

    Enter your email address:

    Delivered by FeedBurner

STAY CONNECTED!


© The Pastoral Artist 2022 | Designed by Tech with Tasha

  • Home
  • Book
  • Blog
  • Contact