One day this week I was able to teach a delightful young girl (and her grandma) some basic techniques in watercolor. We had a fun morning playing with paint, wax, and salt; creating lovely paintings of the cosmos. When they left I went home, changed, and drove to another town nearby to attend a funeral of a long-time friend who will be dearly missed by his friends and family. Life is a roller coaster. Highs and lows in one day - sometimes within one minute. When I shared that, a friend mused that life is terminal. So I’d better keep painting. That is good advice.
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Happy birthday, Mom. She would have been eighty-eight today. Yesterday, we celebrated Dad’s 97th birthday. He didn’t remember it was his birthday, of course, but we celebrated anyway. No more presents since he has no need and really doesn’t know what to do with them. But cake and cards and a visit are always good. He was having a good day and we had a pretty good conversation, albeit repetitive. I sent photos to the rest of the family. August is birthday month for us. The first is my birthday and Mike’s is at the end of the month. Throw in my grandmother and father and you can see why years ago my mother won a trifecta betting on a horse called Mr. August. August is our month. The morning of my birthday, I got a beautiful text from a friend who’d just finished reading my book. With all the hustle and bustle of caregiving, doctor visits, and house maintenance, I’ve set the promotion of the book aside. But after receiving her message, I realize I need to get back at connecting with bookstores, libraries, and agencies on aging because that’s the reason I wrote it. To touch the hearts of people who need to hear about hope and forgiveness in the midst of the difficult times of caregiving. If you’ve read the book, Forgive and Forgotten, please post a review on Amazon to help others find its message. And feel free to let others know I’m available to speak about rejection, forgiveness, and caregiving for a dementia patient. Blessings on your August! A year ago, we bought a small house within walking distance from our home. It was cheaper than putting on an addition to our house and this new place functions as a spot to entertain other creatives, create a prayer room, have extra storage for art materials, and have my studio. You might wonder why we don’t just move, but we have some wonderful neighbors and really aren’t looking to relocate while we’re still caring for Dad. I’d hoped to have things in better order at the studio by now, but health issues with us and other family members slowed us down a bit. However, we’re back on track. This week, I spray painted the big room in the basement. A major accomplishment that feels so good to have behind me. When I came upstairs, resplendent in my paint gear, my husband took one look at me and said, “Hello, you sexy thing!” I laughed but then he said,”There is nothing sexier than a woman who knows what she’s doing. I’m not kidding.” It’s the way he said “I’m not kidding” that got me. What a flirt. We were made for each other. Getting this project done feels rejuvenating. We’re back on track and I’m feeling hopeful. Calligraphy practice shows improvement and I’m starting to play with ways to integrate it into painting. It’s exciting because this time in painting I’m not so interested in performing for the gallery system or anyone else. I’m more interested in discovering who I was created to be as an artist. I have developed a lot of skill sets over the years, and I’m thankful for that. But now I want to see what sort of fun ways to combine them. Maybe they’ll be for sale eventually, or maybe I’ll just create workshops to help people engage in their inner artist to their spiritual walk. It’s taken a very long time, but I’m finally starting to get the idea of what the “with God life” looks like. It’s not about performance - it’s about being who you were meant to be. I highly recommend it. There was a note on the kitchen table. Fix Dad’s glasses. “Did his glasses fall apart again?” I asked Mike. “Yep.” “What happened this time.” “I don’t know. The lens fell out.” I looked at the glasses. “You mean both lenses fell out,” I said. Mike came over to look. “What?? I just had the technician put on bolts to the screws to keep them in longer!” “I think Dad may have undone them, although where he got a screwdriver to do it, I have no idea.” “No, he just keeps stepping on them. There’s no way he could see and concentrate to do that.” And so Mike took Dad’s glasses in for another repair. We talked about maybe not bothering with his glasses anymore since he can’t read and doesn’t watch TV (the remote is too complicated for a dementia patient). But he does need them to be able to see his plate when he’s eating a meal. That lasted for about a month. Dad breaking them, Mike taking them in to be fixed. And just as suddenly as it started, it stopped. Then some other behavior changed that we had to problem solve. And so it goes with caregiving for a dementia patient. You barely have time to get your bearings, when the problems change and you need a new strategy. Never a dull moment. It has been some time since I last posted here. A variety of family issues have taken precedence over almost everything else. Whenever I've had a spare moment, I've either been gardening or practicing calligraphy. I've found that the slow, methodical, and rhythmical repetition of learning different hands can be a source of meditation. A great help when it's hard to get yourself centered in the midst of a storm. My husband has been having issues with his heart, but things seem to be going okay right now. He'll be checking in with his cardiologist in a couple weeks to evaluate what is next. I've been having terrible pain in my left wrist. It almost has felt as if I were being stabbed. I've had to give up coffee, chocolate, wine, and some sugars to decrease inflammation. I've also been doing a treatment called acoustic compression that has been very helpful. For a time my father-in-law was having a serious decline, but once Hospice got involved and adjusted his medication he did so well that he no longer qualifies for Hospice. During this time, I've done very little to promote the book but it is steadily chugging along without my help. Not by leaps and bounds, but little by little the word is getting out. Friends have been sending it to family members, authors, Bible schools, and media hosts. Last week it was our thirty-second wedding anniversary. We decided to forget all the medical appointments, visits and crises and have fun. With that in mind, we went to Crystal Mountain to go on the alpine slides. It was great until we were rained off the mountain. Nonetheless, it was something completely out of the ordinary for us, it was a lovely day for being outdoors, and we could forget about all the cares of our daily lives. I will try to leave you with a video of a run. If you can't access it, follow me on Instagram to see it. Enjoy!
When my mother contacted me after not speaking to me for over a decade, I started a journey that changed my life. While I may have lost my art career, I gained perspective about life and faith. I’m glad I kept a journal during that time because a lot of those lessons could have been lost in the process of day to day caregiving.
That journal turned into a book and now the book is changing my life. A pastor from my youth contacted me, purchased several copies and let me know the impact the story had on him. He, his wife, and I got together for lunch and reconnected after all these years. He’s sending the book to others to help people understand the importance of forgiveness. Another biblical counselor contacted me to encourage me to get the book out to a wider audience and sent a letter of recommendation to a national ministry in hopes they might offer the book through their resources. She wants people to understand the importance of being honest with your feelings as you go through any sort of crisis journey. So often - especially in Christian circles - people are encouraged to just fake it until you make it. If you’re feeling frustrated … well, pretend it’s okay and then it will be. That doesn’t really work, but that doesn’t stop people from trying. The possibility of the national ministry carrying the book in their resource catalog is remote, but I’m deeply touched that the story is affecting people so deeply. This past week I had the opportunity to share my story of rejection from birth and the life messages that set me up with. The group that had invited me were people in recovery. I was honored and humbled by their response. And now I’m starting to be asked if I can speak to small groups about forgiveness, rejection, and/or caregiving. Never saw that coming, but I have to say I’m kind of excited about it. The reaction to the book I just published has truly surprised me in the best possible way. Without an official book launch and only by word of mouth, it’s reached into five other states already. I’ve received encouraging emails, cards, and phone calls from unexpected places. The story meets people in different ways. Some are looking for understanding of the Alzheimer journey or the caregiving aspect. Some are struck by aspect of being rejected by the very people who are supposed to love and nurture you. Others by forgiveness and faith, and still others about being totally honest with your feelings. A woman in pastoral care ministry called to tell me how much she loved the book and how she’s referring it to clients. She encouraged me to get it out to a bigger audience. Another woman sent a photo of her copy with sticky notes throughout the pages saying these were places she needs to go back and ponder. Two other women on have purchased multiple copies to send around the United States to friends and family that they feel will be deeply touched by my testimony. It is amazing and I am humbled by this response. And I’ve realized I need to get moving on getting these placed in book stores and in support groups. Currently they are available on Amazon and through me. I’ll keep you updated on book signings and other places you might find them. If you have any suggestions of places that would be good for this sort of book, feel free to let me know or to contact them with the recommendation. Thank you to everyone who has purchased and read this book. I hope it touches your heart in a deeply healing way. Easter was cold, but the sun was shining brightly. Our plan for the day was to celebrate with Dad. I reminded Mike we needed to get there early in the likely event we’d have to get Dad dressed, or rather re-dressed. Lately, even when the aids get him up and about, he goes back to his room and gets undressed by himself and getting him to put his clothes back on is quite a process. As I suspected, Dad was not ready for an Easter luncheon. He wasn’t even out of bed, and didn’t want to get out of bed. We started our negotiations. “Get up, Dad, and we’ll have an Easter dinner together.” “No, why don’t we have it in here?” “No, it’s a lovely day. Get dressed and we’ll go to the dining room together.” “You go without me.” “Dad, we came to be with you. Going without you defeats the whole purpose.” “Oh. Okay.” But he makes no move to get up. “It’s Easter, Dad. I’ve made you a present.” “You did?” “Yep. But you have to get up and get dressed to get it.” “Let me see what it is first.” He smiled. It was going to be a good day. So good, in fact, that when he got up he as able to dress himself. The aids came in to get him to the dining room and were delightfully surprised that he was almost ready to go. Dad joked with them and when they left he told me he had a strategy to make all the staff like him. If only he remembered that strategy when he got angry and threw things at them. But today, for now, he was in good form and we went to the dining room together and joined another patient whose family was not able to be with her. The conversation around the table was disjointed. Dad was deep into childhood memories, our table companion had developed certain coping mechanisms to cover her memory loss and both were chatting away about different things and were at peace. The sun shone brightly in the large room, we shared a meal together, and calm reigned for the day. I found great joy in that. When dealing with dementia, finding joy is vital. For those of you in the Western tradition - hope you had a Happy Easter. For those of you who celebrate Passover, Shalom! May your Pesach overflow with happiness! For those of you in the Orthodox tradition who will celebrate Easter this weekend, Kaló pásha ...Happy Greek Easter! May you be blessed. May you find peace. The book is now complete and in print. I realized too late that I hadn’t put in any information about the painting that's on the front cover. Humor me, and let me tell you about it. It is a watercolor and the title is Memories of Kate. My grandmother’s name. The composition has tatting and crochet work she’d done and the rose is one of the varieties she grew in her massive rock garden. All things that make me think of her. The reason I chose that painting for the cover is because the story couldn’t have happened without her. She raised my mother and she raised me. Her influence is felt in my life to this day. If you read the story, she appears in the first few pages and you’ll understand. Thank you to all who have purchased the book and given me feedback on how it affected you. Your comments and encouragement have deeply blessed me. You may have noticed I’ve been noticeably absent from the blog for the month of February. Completely unplanned events and health emergencies of our family took up much of my time. We’ve yet to plan and execute a retirement party for my husband for family and friends and my studio lies languishing from neglect. But all is not lost. While life has been happening, the publication of the book has been chugging along and Friday, March 9, the printed version of Forgive and Forgotten will be completed. Both paperback and e-book versions are available on Amazon which you can reach here: https://www.amazon.com/Forgive-Forgotten-Memoir-Donna-Kemper/dp/1625860935/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1520345238&sr=1-1-fkmr0&keywords=forgiven+and+forgotten+donna+kemper. The subject of forgiveness is perfect during the Lenten season. If you are interested in a book signing at your church or small group, contact me at dmkemperart@gmail.com. |
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July 2021
Donna KemperDonna Kemper put aside her art career to care for a mother she hadn't seen in over a decade. For seven years she followed her mother's journey into dementia, caring for her and putting forgiveness into action. Categories
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