It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything. At the beginning of the year, Dad was hospitalized for breathing problems and after going back to his care facility his cognitive abilities worsened. He is now in a care unit that focuses on end of life care for dementia patients not far from our home. Hospice is also part of his care team. Dad is winding down. I doubt he will live another year. Even when you know that’s how the disease progresses, it’s still hard.
To cope with Dad’s decline and the arctic weather we’ve been having, I’ve been working on the studio to continue to get it up to speed, as well as working on calligraphy. That is a skill set that both is interesting and gives me a wider variety of mark making for other artwork. It has led into what may end up as a painting series. We will see. Mike and I squeezed in a short trip to Texas to see my sister-in-law. Both to give her some fragile items too delicate to mail and to bring her up to date on Dad in person rather than through an email or by phone. In regards to the studio, my hope is to start an artists’ fellowship soon. A safe place for area artists of faith to meet, share, pray, and build a tribe. Every time it seems to get close, something happens to derail it. But I continue to press on. We’ll see what the following months bring. In the meantime, check out the book page and tell your friends!
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One of the things I really enjoy is word play. Puns, spoonerisms, malapropisms - as long as they have wit and not vulgarity, I enjoy it. Because of that, when it came time to choose a title for the book, I did a bit of wordplay on the expression ‘forgive and forget.’ The idea was I did forgive Mom and that she had forgotten that daily. The editor and publisher appreciated the concept and we ran with it. Little did I know that having two different tenses in the title would cause some readers to become, well…tense. So much so, that some have expressed they won’t pick it up because of the grammar. I confess, I did not foresee that. So I’m asking a favor of all of you who have read and appreciated the story. I’m going to ask you to flood social media. Facebook, Goodreads, Twitter - whatever your platform of choice - and tell people about the story, how it affected you, why it’s worth their while. Overcome the doubters and get the word out. Thank-ewe! Thank you berry much. If you haven't read Forgive and Forgotten yet, you can find a copy here: https://www.amazon.com/Forgive-Forgotten-Memoir-Donna-Kemper/dp/1625860935 The other day I met with a friend from college. She had published her first children’s book and I wanted to celebrate with her and get a signed copy. She lives quite a bit north of town, so we met at a halfway point for brunch. Within a half an hour our table had four writers meeting one another and talking together. I introduced people around, she sold another book and we all quickly caught up before moving onto our meetings and appointments. From that meeting, I thought I’d introduce you to a couple of books. First, my friend’s Deb Woodard book called Naughty Pants Believes a Lie which has charming illustrations by Rachel Baines from the UK. Naughty Pants has four sisters: Fancy Pants, Smarty Pants, Sassy Pants, and Antsy Pants. In the future, there will be stories about them as well. You can find the book on her website: http://debwoodardstoryteller.com/?fbclid=IwAR3V7pY89zaZK8JFBsrRfUWu-erb80qvzg38yDelM9wLhp9eUzCZCbOnUtk You have the opportunity to hear the book read up to three times on her site. You may purchase an audio version or hardcopy there as well. The next book is by my former pastor, Dr. John W. Frye. It’s called Liberate Your Praying Heart. I’ll be honest, when I heard about another book on prayer I thought I’d give it a pass. About 20 years ago I really wanted to deepen my prayer life and I read every book I could get my hands on about prayer. My library expanded exponentially with different prayer traditions and while I’m thankful for that time and for what I learned, in the end prayer is a deep conversation between you and your Creator. It’s personal, and a lot of the books seemed to be formulaic. I donated many of them to a church library that was just starting up. I wasn’t in a rush to get another book on prayer. But John is a great teacher, and I want to be a supportive friend. So I ended up buying the book. It’s short and easy to read and I’m glad I got it. It’s not about formula, it’s not about guilt. I’ll share this one quote to give you an idea. “Don’t allow a faulty view of God’s sovereignty to put its squeeze around your heart. Instead, rejoice that God is all-powerful, that his purposes are secure, and that he loves and longs to interact with you. - page 70” He points out that when you begin your relationship with God you get a new heart and a new heart is a praying heart. You’re praying more than you realize. Let that sink in and give you hope if you struggle with prayer. John’s book can be found on Amazon. You can find it here: https://www.amazon.com/Liberate-Your-Praying-Heart-John/dp/1625860730 I hope you’ll check them out. Eldercare frequently throws you a curve ball. Just when you think you are in your groove, things change. That’s what happened to us this Thanksgiving.
Our plan was to spend the mid-afternoon with Dad and have lunch with him. He no longer knows the days, dates, or holidays. We do these things more for ourselves than for Dad, really. We visit almost daily and that’s what is most satisfying for him. But we still want to give him a sense of festivity so we try to make holidays special. However, Dad woke up very confused. He was convinced it was WWII and that he had eaten something bad and was confined to bed and wasn’t supposed to eat. There are still times when he’ll have a kernel of truth, but embellish a story to make sense to his confused mind. So I went in search of the shift nurse to see if he’d had some sort of reaction to food lately. No, she said. He was just very confused. I went back to the room and tried a different tactic. In the past, I’ve been able to get him out of bed and dressed. And slowly get him out of his room to either have something to eat or go for a short walk. But not this day. He was not going to get out of that bed. No way, no how, no time, no place. No. So I read a card his daughter had sent him, showed it to him and then after a very short visit, we left. The next day he did get out of bed, but still refused to eat. It may be that we’ve entered into a new part of this journey. Earlier this year, Hospice got involved with Dad’s care, but then he improved to a point where they signed off. We will be monitoring the situation and may be getting them back into the care team. So this Thanksgiving, we are grateful for many things that include a great care team for Dad, for a lovely, safe place close by, and for the work and ministry of Hospice. Peace be with you. October was a wonderful month for me. First of all, I kicked Facebook to the curb. Posts were getting histrionic about the mid-term elections and there’s really no way to inject sanity into a superheated emotional environment like that. Rather than let that kind of poisonous rhetoric infect my mind, heart, and soul, I bid my contacts adieu, and turned it off. Then, I got onto a plane and flew to southern California to the fire-free zone of San Juan Capistrano and attended the Creative Church Conference that is put on by J. Scott McElroy’s New Art Renaissance and hosted this year by Saddleback Church. It was fabulous. It was if I’d found my long lost tribe. A group of creatives of faith gathering together for fellowship and collaboration. Words cannot describe how happy I was to be there. I’m still processing the different stories I heard, workshops I attended, and meals I shared with some wonderful people. Race, gender, nor age mattered - we were all God’s creatives. Enjoying Him and one another, as well as each other’s gifts. At the end, one young woman and her team created a Treasure(ish) Hunt that involved found pieces, installation, interaction, and contemplation ending in a gathering together to create a new installation and break bread with one another. Creativity and community joined as one. It was brilliant. Connections were made and many of us are keeping in touch in hopes of reuniting for future projects and for fun. In fact, I just received a text from California as I write. I feel so loved. Once home, I came down with a virus that knocked me out for a bit, but I was still able to attend a calligraphy workshop taught by Julie Wildman and hosted by Pendragons of Kalamazoo. While not feeling my best, it was a great workshop and very worthwhile. Midterm elections are over - except for some recounts. I’m back on Facebook but I’m being more judicious. While I’ve seen some beautiful sentiments shared on friend’s pages that I considered reposting, I felt that if I did that I’m just preaching at people. Honestly, who likes being preached at? Information (be it about politics, gun control, immigration, or quotes from the bible) rarely transforms people, but experience makes knowledge real and concrete. I’ll be exploring how to create works of beauty that will engage people’s hearts. As usual, I have no idea what I’m doing. Which makes this a great adventure. There is a conference/retreat in southern California that starts this week. It's the Saddleback Creative Church Arts Conference and I'm going. To see more about it, you can check out the website: http://creativechurcharts.org/ I am looking forward to the weather (but not the time change) because I'm a girl that was made for summer and summer is far too short in Michigan. But I digress. When I am back I'll be posting whatever strikes my fancy. Until then, if you'd like to see what I'm up to, follow me (dmkemperstudio) on Instagram. I'll post plenty of pictures. At least, that's the plan. The other day I was in the kitchen repotting plants, when someone knocked on the door. I was up to my elbows in dirt and I asked Mike to help whoever was there. It was someone doing door to door canvasing about the upcoming mid-term election. I overheard them as they were talking and she asked specifically for me. Mike explained I was unavailable and listened to her explain the ballot.
She then asked him how I voted. He replied, “I honestly don’t know,” and I was delighted. It’s not that we don’t discuss the issues and weigh them together, because we do. We talk about issues, weigh the pros and cons, and educate ourselves on platforms, issues, and candidates. But I am not identified even by the ones closest to me by a political party and I couldn’t be happier. The rancor of political opinion has grown to such a fevered pitch that I’ve removed myself from Facebook until after the elections. Otherwise good people have completely blinded themselves in order to support one side or another without taking their party to task for poor choices, poor governance, or poor character. None of that matters as long as their agenda is pushed through and no one seems to see any problem with that. The church is called to be a prophetic picture of God’s Kingdom, not a pathetic picture. Instead of being a light, many who identify themselves as Christians have chosen to worship political power or greed to achieve what they seem to believe God is too weak to provide. It is a sad state of affairs - a Faustian bargain, if you will. When people look at me, my life, my character, I hope they see that I am first of all a Christian. A person who patterns her life after Christ’s life and teachings. It gets me into trouble from time to time, but that should be expected. After all, Jesus was often in trouble with the religious elite on both sides - Pharisees and Sadducees. The right and the left. Why should I be any different? The year I graduated from high school, the year I turned 18, I was finally on my way to being emancipated from my mother. I found a midnight shift job (which curtailed our interactions significantly) and saved my money for a year and went off to a small bible college. I had become a Christian a couple of years earlier and wanted to find out more about the Christian faith. I found far more than I bargained for. First off, not everyone who claimed to follow Christ was all that enthusiastic about it. They seemed to think they had “grandfathered in” and felt that everyone else was having a good time while they were missing out in their dutiful and dull lives following a bunch of rules. What they were missing was a God encounter. But I eventually found my tribe in the older students and the former drug addicts and street people. These people had experienced God the way I had and they were hungry for more. We all wanted to go deeper in our faith. I decided the best way to do that was to work in a Christian ministry, so a couple of years later found me on staff of said college. Because the faculty and staff would be solid Christians who would help me grow…right? Peeking behind the curtain of any kind of ministry is sure to disappoint. What you’ll find there is people. Wounded, struggling, and imperfect people. There may even be evil people lying in wait for innocent victims. I found all of that and experienced sexual assault from two different men that I had deeply trusted. Years later, talking with other women, I learned there were other predators there as well. This is no longer surprising to me since we now have the #Me too movement and the recent news about hiding sexual misconduct within the Catholic church. But at the time it was shocking and devastating. I left that job and for a time left the church as well. I never gave up on God - He never failed me through all of that. But His people were another story. For years I was part of a micro-church before that was even a thing, and worked on starting my art career. The Lord gave me time to heal and slowly called me back into larger community. Was it perfect? No, indeed. People in the church are in various stages of transformation - myself included. It is quite messy, as a matter-of-fact. But the community of broken people from different fellowships came around Mike and me when I stepped back into my mother’s life. They helped us make the act of forgiveness a tangible thing. They became part of a bigger story, and because of them I could write a book about how forgiveness is walked out…even when you’ve been forgotten. I sat with a visitor at church last week, and struck up a conversation. She’d heard of our little church plant and came to see what was what. I gave her a little background about the pastor’s heart for the city and for people in recovery. His original vision was to reach the poor and disenfranchised on the northwest side of Grand Rapids and we as a congregation have partnered with quite a few ministries there. But it seems as if God had a slightly different plan and has been adjusting our little fellowship accordingly. The pastors and elders have developed a solid relationship with the staff at Mel Trotter Ministries. https://www.meltrotter.org/ This is a downtown ministry that addresses homelessness, addictions, and recovery. We’ve taken over providing a chapel service once a month and I have had the great privilege of sharing my story of rejection and forgiveness and also gave away books to whoever wanted to read the story. Part of the reason we’ve gotten so involved is that our pastor found out that once people have completed a recovery program, they are often not welcome in many local churches. Too messy and inconvenient. Too close and uncomfortable. Our church made a conscientious decision to start relationships with the homeless and people in recovery so if they want to, they have a place to connect with when they are out of the program. We have bible studies, provide transportation, and do our best to do life together. You win some, you lose some. Some people have made a great start at recovery, found jobs and moved into an apartment. Some are back on the street. Recovery is a process that goes day by day. As I was explaining this to our visitor I said, “You can have nice church or you can have authentic church. With authentic church you will have messes. I can guarantee it is messy here. Welcome to our mess.” Her eyes lit up. I do believe I’ll be seeing her again. If you are in the Grand Rapids area, I invite you to Lake Effect Church. Broken people are welcome there. http://lakeeffect.church/ Caregiving is stressful. There’s no way around that. Whether it is a parent, spouse, or child, it is emotionally and physically hard. When I’m stressed I turn to food. Sugar most often, but any kind of food will do. As a result, when I was caring for my mother, I gained a lot of weight. I had always identified with being slender, so the new reality was hard to adjust to. What better way to deal with it than denial?
But our sins catch up with us, whether we want to believe that or not. And my health has suffered. After Mom passed away, I had joined a weight loss group and lost some of the weight, and in my mind I only had about 15 pounds to go. Which stubbornly resisted. Then my focus went to my in-laws and while my weight didn’t go back up, I didn’t lose any pounds, either. Fast forward to the end of last year when one health crisis after another hit. Diverticulitis, respiratory flu, high cholesterol, and a stabbing pain in my wrist that made me unable to even lift a pan out of a cupboard. A trip to the DenBoer clinic was in order and I really didn’t like what I heard. I didn’t need to lose 15 pounds, but 30. My half hearted effort at health care had to change. The first order of business was to get my gut back in good order. Gluten free, dairy free, caffeine free, sugar free, supplements, and a walking program has done a lot for me in terms of energy, pain levels, and creativity. But the weight wouldn’t budge. Finally, I started keeping a food journal again and lo and behold - I’m eating too much. Just keeping a mental track of things was not enough. Writing down every mouthful gave me a reality check of what I need to change in my life. I think that applies in all areas of our lives. Living with intention. Paying close attention to what we’re really doing instead of what we think we’re doing. The bible talks about that in the book of James. Chapter 1 verses 23-25 in the New American Standard says, “For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was. But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does.” It is so easy to know the truth, but to practice it? Ah, that is the challenge, isn’t it? |
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July 2021
Donna KemperDonna Kemper put aside her art career to care for a mother she hadn't seen in over a decade. For seven years she followed her mother's journey into dementia, caring for her and putting forgiveness into action. Categories
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