Excuses

Last week there was a day I stayed home from my studio and waited all day for a delivery.  We’d ordered a credenza for the office.  During this quarantine, people have been doing a lot of jigsaw puzzles.  This credenza was a puzzle on steroids.  It came in four huge boxes and it took some time to put together.  I put off assembling it, but Mike (my hero) took the bull by the horns and spent a day (and all night) putting it together.  Now I have one less excuse for getting the office put back in order.

Excuses.  So many excuses for not engaging life.  When I think of two of my dearest friends - Jan and Cindy, both gone now - I realized that both women really engaged life.  In different ways and in different things, but they both really explored the world and various interests.

Instead of engagement, I’ve used excuses.

I’ve used the excuse that I don’t have enough money and that I needed any spare dime put into my art career.  While that was true when I was starting out, I now have a well supplied studio and I have more than enough.

I’ve used the excuse that I don’t have enough time because I was caring first for my mother and then for my in-laws.  Sadly, they are gone.  I did take good care of them but now my time has opened up yet I still hang back.

I’ve used the excuse that I don’t have anyone to do things with anymore.  When you lose a friend that’s almost like a sister it does leave a gaping hole in your life.  There is no getting around that.  And life will never be quite the same again because each of us is a unique poem.  In fact in scripture we are called God’s masterpieces.  The Greek for that word is poema.  We are each a poem and there’s no replacement for a truly lovely poem.  But I’m well aware that there are other lonely people out there who have also experienced loss that I could reach out to and start to build relationships with.

All these excuses are basically a way to mask anxiety.  What if I fail?  What if people hate me and reject me?  What if I can’t figure out what I’m “supposed” to do?  These questions sound ridiculous when I write them on the page.

Of course I’ll fail.  I’ve failed before and it wasn’t fatal.  In fact, it’s a way to learn and grow.  Of course some people hate me and reject me.  You can’t please everyone.  And I know what I’m supposed to do…walk justly, love mercy, walk humbly.  Add to that to open up my training and experiences to God and let him run with it.

It’s not rocket science so it’s time to stop making excuses.

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